These specific intimacy tips have dual benefits inside the bedroom and the boardroom. This is because bedroom confidence can lead to boardroom confidence.
Sex reduces stress, prevents heart attacks, helps your skin, and boosts your immune system. Besides the fact that sex has been proven to improve your physical health, it also improves your self-perception and self-confidence. When you are confident in the bedroom, it will affect the way you present yourself in business.
I wanted to dig into this a bit more, so I reached out to Candice Smith. an award-winning, Harvard-educated intimacy consultant specializing in helping couples develop and own their intimate power. She’s also the founder of Tango, an intimacy-boosting kit helping couples achieve their best intimate life through an expert-curated mix of science-backed activities.
Here are five tips Candice gave me for being more confident in the boardroom.
Be Active, Not Reactive.
Get intentional with your time, and actively plan moments to nurture your intimate relationships. One of my clients’ biggest complaints is a lack of time to focus on intimacy; they keep waiting for the “perfect” time for intimacy. Newsflash: the “perfect” time for intimacy doesn’t exist. It has to be an intentional choice. We assume that because chemistry came naturally at the beginning of the relationship that it will always be natural, and that when it’s gone it’s gone forever. That’s just not true. Like anything else in life, it’s all about effort.
Early on in your relationship, you are excited by novelty. Your brain chemistry is helping you as well; developing what scientists have called a “love cocktail” of hormones that make it feel effortless. In reality, you’re spending nearly all of your waking thoughts obsessing over this new person. You agonize over every last detail of what to wear, say, and do to please this new partner.
When you get more comfortable and secure in your relationship, it can be easy to fall into patterns and get complacent – to deprioritize the urgency of intimacy and allow other needs to take top priority. This results in the seeming inability to find time with one another – not the other way around.
Sound familiar?
Cultivating this intentionality in business leads to higher efficacy and implementation of systems. When you plan your day actively and follow time blocks and appointments instead of reacting to every new fire that sprouts up, you are able to control your calendar (instead of being controlled by it). You can stay focused on the big picture and make time to work on your business instead of in it. Your relationships can stay red hot and full of connection when you keep the effort up.
2. Open The Lines Of Communication
Talk about your needs with your partner. So many partners stay silent about their needs for fear of hurting their partner’s feelings, when in fact we need to remember that our partners aren’t mind readers. They will benefit from knowing what pleases you – as will you! Staying silent about your needs leads to resentment, which builds up over time and affects your happiness and ability to enjoy the moment. Don’t neglect talking about your boundaries, either – let your partner know how they can respect your limits, so that you can make your intimacy as happy, safe, and stress-free as possible.
Open communication is integral to business as well. Opening the lines of communication helps you build brand equity, establishes trust, helps you build community, and allows for successful sales and negotiations. And don’t forget those boundaries. Just because someone is a client, doesn’t automatically mean they can walk all over you.
3. Own Your Power Dynamic
Power dynamics exist in all relationships. While power roles can seem to be fixed, they are actually quite fluid, and can change within the course of a conversation. It is all about the exchange of power. Dominance is about receiving power, while submission is about giving power. Because they receive power that the submissive voluntarily offers, the dominant is the one in control of a particular situation. The person acting as submissive voluntarily gives up control in that moment. This power exchange is and can be fluid based on your preferences.
Experiment with giving and receiving, or leading and following, in the bedroom with your partner. Explore both roles freely: not only does it build an understanding between partners, it adds variability and novelty to the relationship allowing both partners to gain more agency over their power. One of the biggest ways to gain confidence and understand how to wield your power is to be aware of how to use your power by practicing.
This is a powerful skill to have and be able to exercise in your business. When you own your power, you show up confidently. It’s always good to know when you need to take over and when you need to let go – and both will require your confidence.
4. Be Present
When you are present in the moment during intimacy with your partner, you aren’t focusing on the 1,001 to-dos that need to be accomplished, the dishes in the sink, the emails to be answered, your regret over the extra cookie at dinner, the what-ifs. You are focusing on the physical sensations you feel.
Again, the same goes for your business. Be present when you are working. There are many ways to show up and be present in your business, but be grateful for your accomplishments in the present. Celebrate the wins. Don’t just focus on your to-do list. Listen to your clients, engage with them, spend time with them.
5. Get Playful
Play has been proven to inspire creativity, open-mindedness, and a solutions-oriented mindset. Laughter has been proven to generate endorphins in the brain, and promotes bonding. It is a fantastic way to fan the flames of any relationship. There’s nothing like the power of laughter to dispel tension.
Give yourself the opportunity to get playful in business, as well. Whether it’s with yourself or within your team, incorporating fun challenges and gamifying your workflow can help bring levity and playfulness to your business.
Being present, taking control, intentional intimacy, open communication, and play are all crucial elements of intimacy that you could use from the bedroom to the boardroom.