As adults bombarded with a variety of weighty anxieties, it can be hard for us to fathom that children have much to worry about. The truth is that any stage of human development will bring about its own worries, and kids are no exception. As their brains grow and their understanding of the world develops, these fears will take on different forms depending on their age. The good news is that the majority of these worries will resolve over time and are not indicative of mental illness. Psychologist and therapist Karen Young breaks down exactly what children worry about as they grow. (1)
Worry By Age
Understanding the stages of worry your child will face at every age – and why – will help you better provide the comfort and coping skills they’ll need. A child’s worry is usually a response to a real or perceived threat in their environment. While excessive or extreme anxiety should be assessed by a pediatrician, most worries are actually age-appropriate and not uncommon. (1,2)
Infants and Toddlers (0-2 Years)
- Strangers. Babies start to recognize faces at around 6-8 months, meaning they’ll start to understand the difference between familiar and unfamiliar people. When a new face pops up, they may be easily scared or startled, especially if that person appears quickly or unexpectedly. This can also apply to people in costumes.
- Loud or Unexpected Noises and Movements. Whether it’s a blaring siren or being put down too quickly, a baby’s nervous system can be easily overloaded. Information overload can easily spike their fear response.
- Separation Anxiety. Around 8-10 months, babies become aware that things still exist even when they can’t see them. If you leave the room, they’ll know you’re around but can easily get upset if they can’t see you. Toddlers who understand how much they need and love you may become especially upset when separated from you. (1)
Preschoolers (3-4 Years)
- Anything that doesn’t make sense to them. As they become more aware of the world around them, fireworks, trains, a person they know with a new haircut, a costumed character or anything that isn’t comfortable familiar to them can send them into a panic. Getting used to new things takes time, and they’re still new at navigation.
- An Imagination Run Wild. A child’s vivid imagination will bring joy and fun to their lives–but it can also create fears. Fear of the dark is common at this age. Books and television can often fuel a child’s imagination, causing them to visualize all types of scary scenarios. Since they’re not able to distinguish from real and pretend all the time, imaginary monsters can seem very real. (1, 3)
Older Children (5-11 Years)
- Same Separation Anxiety, Different Reason. Separation anxiety will still be on the list, though the reason may change. As kids become aware of real-life possibilities, their worry takes on a deeper meaning. Not being with one parent may cause them to worry about their safety since they understand bad things can happen in the real world.
- Something Bad Happening To Thems, Their Family, Or Their Pets. When a child starts to understand what death is, they may worry that something bad will happen to someone they care about. (1)
Adolescents (12+ Years)
- What Others Think Of Them. Adolescence brings many new challenges, and one of the main tasks during this time is to figure out your place in the world. As they become more independent of parents, what their friends think takes on new meaning and more importance
- School and Life After School. They’ll start thinking realistically about what they want to be when they grow up, and they may be concerned with how schooling and grades fit into this plan.
- Scary Things They Hear On The News. Kidnapping, terrorism, and natural disasters can cause fear that it will happen to them. Their young brains often don’t understand the low odds that it will actually happen to them, especially if they’re bombarded with these stories on social media.
- Fear Of Missing Out. Socialization is vital to an adolescent’s development. Anything that makes them feel unwanted may send them into a worry spiral. (1)
A child’s worry is a normal part of life. While there will be many more fears not listed here, the key is to help your child feel safe while giving them the coping skills to tackle any new challenges that arise as they grow.