What’s the one thing you want to do the most in the world after going through a mind-numbing, heart-wrenching breakup?
That’s right: you want to subject yourself to it all over again.
However, you don’t have to be huddled on a couch, unshowered and unhappy for several months.
There’s one thing you can do to speed up the recovery process:
The “no contact rule”.
Yep. No calls. No Facebook stalking. No showing up at their house unannounced.
Cut off all communication with your ex so you can recalibrate your brain into becoming the functioning thing it once was.
Don’t believe us? Here are 7 benefits to doing exactly that:
1) You Learn To Be Yourself
You spend so much time with someone that their personality rubs off on you, sometimes to the point that you forget who you are in the first place.
This is perhaps the primary problem of people who are stepping out of long-term relationships, especially those who were married or lived with their partners.
When you deliberately distance yourself from your ex and avoid any distractions, you start to discover your true self.
Your unfiltered beliefs, opinions, and convictions take center stage once more and you get in touch with the person you once was before the relationship.
So take a breather and maintain that distance.
There’s nothing more empowering, especially in the midst of a personal crisis, than discovering yourself and falling in love with who you are.
2) You Remember Life Before Your Ex
Ending long-term relationships suck, so much so because you have to re-imagine what life is like without them.
It’s only inevitable for couples to plan out their futures together, and to have that snatched away from you by a breakup can be a bitter pill to swallow.
In the process of healing, instead of looking into the future, take a trip down memory lane and remember the past.
Specifically, remember what it was like before you got into a relationship.
You can do more than just remember, though. By avoiding your ex, you’re able to relive that very reality and gain a much-needed perspective.
You remember what it’s like to wake up fall asleep alone, as well as the little moments in between.
You’ll remember what it’s like to be in your own company and how to be content in solitude.
3) You Become Preoccupied With Other Things
Breakups can bring out the worst in us. It’s okay if you want to spend a couple of days being a bundle of wet tissues and god-knows-what-else.
What isn’t okay is you sending dozens of pleading messages to your ex.
When you hover around your ex’s favorite spots, you’re basically setting yourself up for failure.
Not only are you wasting your own time anticipating (read: obsessing) their presence, but you are also chipping away at your dignity with every message you send and every surprise visit you make.
Let go and move on. Move to another state if you have to. Do whatever it takes to physically distance yourself from your ex.
Once you’re no longer surrounded by memory triggers, your body will start expending all this pent up energy on something else.
We all know that heartbreak is the best trigger for a masterpiece. Use it to create something – a novel, a wooden miniature scale, a knitted hat, something!
4) You Let Yourself Grieve and Heal
If you’re set on moving forward, it’s crucial that you see pain as a process and not a project in and of itself.
Psychologists say that there are five stages of grief, namely Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance whether it’s coming from a breakup or losing a loved one.
Using the “let’s be friends” card is just you trapping yourself in the third stage, Bargaining.
You start reliving the good times and begin convincing yourself that there are steps you can make to turn things around.
You might even experience bursts of positivity in this stage; ignore it.
Remember that these positive affirmations are temporary, and are not, in any way, grounded on actual reality.
Trudge through the five stages of grief until you reach the fifth stage, Acceptance. Because trust us, the last stop is always inevitable.
5) You Don’t Relive Your Mistakes
The last thing you need is to bring yourself down from remembering the things you did or didn’t do.
Combat your feelings of loneliness with self-love and positivity.
Instead of channeling all your mental energy into dissecting how things could have been had you done certain things differently, cut yourself some slack and reflect on what should come after the relationship.
6) You Allow New Energy To Take Over
You become a different person post-breakup. You become more bitter. Less likely to laugh.
It’s also likely that you’ve stopped doing the things you enjoy doing.
The point is that you become trapped in your mental state that you become this lifeless, angry, and fragile simulacrum of a person.
That space is both physical and mental allowance helping and encouraging you to welcome new things into your life.
This includes the capacity to feel new things that have nothing to do with the relationship.
It’s the same as going cold turkey. When you want to quit an addiction, you restart your brain by staying away from your vice. The same should be done post-breakup.
7) You Get Your Power Back
It doesn’t matter who broke up with whom. The fact of the matter stands, you’re going to feel lost and powerless after a breakup.
You’re going to second guess your decisions and start making excuses just to get back into the comfort zone.
But this comfort zone often includes getting back with your ex because you love “the good old times”.
You become a slave to your feelings and you start acting on impulse. Ignoring your ex is a great test of mental strength and willpower, and this exercise serves as a training ground for you.
You learn to control your brain, and eventually your heart, on a whim.
From there you can start taking control of your life as you once did before your ex, and as you someday will after overcoming whatever life throws at you.